Dealing with Family and friends and your special needs child... Remember they hurt too
When I first learned about my son's heart condition, all my family and friends called me at the hospital and I could not talk to anyone. I just could not hear the pain in their voices.
I needed time alone to take all this in and sort it out.
When it was inevitable that Marcus would come home with a tracheotomy and a ventilator (due to complications from his hearts surgery) although I was devastated, I forced myself to come to terms with it so I could bring my baby home.
I can only imagine the despair my whole family experienced.
It was not just Marcus, his father and I who experienced a life change.
This affected everyone we knew in some way.
There are a few things you will need work through in regards to your family and friends and your special needs child.
1. Try not to take it personally if they do not make themselves available for you. This may be too painful for them to get too close right away. They need time as well to work through their grief. They may not have the advantage that you do by being with your child everyday. This helps you a lot in coming to terms with your child's medical problems.
You are talking to doctors, watching your child go through procedures. This lack
of constant exposure will not prepare them for the reality that you face day in and day out. Give them time.
2. When they ask you if there is anything, they can do, tell them. At this point, they may feel helpless and are not sure how they can help. Let them know if they can feed your dog, or bring you some groceries while they are at the store. Maybe something as small as baby-sitting your child's sibling for a while so you can spend some time with your special
needs child or take a nap would help. There are many sleepless nights in your future. You are going to need all the rest you can get. In addition, this will help them feel good about helping you.
3. Accept their limitations. I remember how difficult it was for me when planning Marcus' discharge. We could not find anyone who could commit to learning Marcus' Trach care. Understandably, so, I was terrified during the first part of my training as well.
4. Once you are settled at home and more comfortable with the new living
arrangements, make it a point to have people over. This will aid in desensitizing those you know, to the difference in your lives now. The
more often they see you handling your child, hearing the alarms, the
easier it will be to deal with.
5. Depending on the size of your child, if possible encourage your family and friends to hold your child. This will also help in making this a smooth transition and I am sure your child will enjoy all the extra attention.
6. Show your gratitude by thanking them for their support and help however small the gesture is. As your family and friends feel more comfortable, who knows one day they may feel confident enough one day to watch your child so you and your husband can get a break for a couple of hours.
As time passes and you become more comfortable in your new role, it can help your family members and friends reach a comfort level where they can offer more support. My family still does not know my son's medical care.
However, when he is hospitalized they are more than willing to go and sit in with him so he is not alone. This way, I can spend time with my daughter.
The most important thing you can do is continually expose your child to your family in gatherings and outings to ensure bonding between them and a little help for you.
Dealing with your family and friends in regards to your special needs child can be a challenge. They will not know what you are going through but at the same time they wlll feel many of the same emotions you experience at time because your special needs child is a part of their family as well.
About the author:
Brigitte Cadena-Ramirez is parent to Marcus Ramirez, administrator of the website Hearts of Courage for special needs families. She is involved in a projet (Project DOCC) that trains residents and nursing students on Homelife with a chronically ill child and serves on the Family Advisory Board at Driscoll Children's Hospital.
What to Get Baby: Shoes That Are Practical and Fun ARA(ARA) - For parents and grandparents searching for a gift for the toddler in their life who just doesnt need one more toy, consider an item that is practical but fun at the same time.
Its a pair of shoes. But not ordinary shoes. These fashionable little numbers make a delightful noise that will amuse any toddler and help parents keep track of their little one at the same time. The childrens shoe company Pip Squeakers specializes in whimsical fashions that will catch your eye and your ears.
For people considering whether or not their toddler is ready for shoes this season, here are some suggestions for things to consider from the experts at parentsplace.com and Pip Squeakers:
As a general rule, kids will need shoes when they are ready to start walking around outdoors, says Peggy Wells, who is both a mother and president of Pip Squeakers. You will want something that protects your babys feet but still allows for some flexibility, she explains.
* Make sure you get the proper fit. Shoes that are too tight or too loose could be painful or cause blisters, and may even hamper walking. Have your pediatrician measure your childs feet, during the regular check-ups. This will provide you with an accurate measurement when you refer to a shoe companys sizing chart.
Parents can also measure their baby's feet at home. Measure with socks on, from the tip of the big toe to the heel. Toddlers tend to curl their toes when you try to measure, so make sure the foot is flat.
* Avoid stiff, high-top leather shoes; there is no evidence that they help babies walk. Instead, look for something soft and flexible that allows your baby to use the movement of his feet to maintain balance and to walk. They should be made from canvas or some other breathable material, and have flat, flexible, non-slip soles.
* Get shoes your child likes. Pip Squeakers shoes make a pleasing squeak that children enjoy. It encourages them to move, walk and explore their surroundings, says Wells, who adds that children enjoy creating the amusing sounds with each step. An added benefit is safety: the sound allows parents to more easily track the movements of their toddler and keep them within a close radius.
* Safe closures. Make sure that your babys shoes fasten well. Double-knot laces so that they are less likely to come undone and make sure buckle straps are secure without being too tight. Velcro fasteners are the easiest option.
* It is normal to have a slight discrepancy in foot size between the two feet; you want to make sure to go with the shoe size that fits the larger foot. Allow about one-half inch of space at the end of the longest toe to the end of the shoe. The toes should be able to wiggle freely, and the heel should not slip with normal walking.
* Get the shoe that is most comfortable for your child, even if it is not the same size that the measurement device indicates. Be aware that sizing differs with each shoe company, so refer to their respective sizing charts. It is advisable to inspect the shoe fit every couple of weeks, to insure the continuing comfort of your childs feet.
For more guidance on buying Pip Squeakers as a gift, visit www.pipsqueakers.com or call (866) 722-4535.
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Parents Celebrate Success in Children with ADHD through New Scholarship Opportunity ARA(ARA) - Experts say one of the best ways parents and teachers can foster the development of children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and encourage a good start to a new school year is to celebrate their small, everyday achievements. Success for children with ADHD is defined in many ways and recognized based on a childs ability to overcome challenges associated with the disorder. Following rules, getting along with family members, and interacting socially with peers at school are examples of behavior worth celebrating.
Now parents, teachers and others have a new, simple way to highlight the accomplishments of children with ADHD. McNeil Consumer & Specialty Pharmaceuticals has launched a nationwide scholarship essay contest, grounded in celebrating everyday successes, that can help offset the cost of higher education for more than 200 children with ADHD. The CONCERTA I See Success ADHD Scholarship Contest gives parents, caregivers, and other adults an opportunity to recognize the academic, extra-curricular, and/or social achievements of a child with ADHD. Any child with diagnosed ADHD, regardless of his or her treatment plan, can be nominated for the contest.
In addition to its proven impact on academic performance, the symptoms of ADHD also affect areas such as how children get along with family and friends, complete homework assignments and household tasks, and participate in after-school activities, says ADHD expert Andrew Adesman, M.D., chief of developmental and behavioral pediatrics at Schneider Children's Hospital in Long Island, NY. Success for a child with ADHD can mean an improvement in grades, getting along better with a sibling, maintaining a regular schedule, or simply getting ready for school in the morning without a major battle with mom or dad, he adds.
Before she was diagnosed with ADHD, my daughter would consistently get unsatisfactory marks for behavior in class. Once her symptoms were well-managed, she started getting excellent marks for behavior week after week, says Debra Calderon, who lives near Houston, Texas. I even took her out for dinner to celebrate a week that she got a satisfactory to reinforce that I was still very proud of her success.
About the CONCERTA I See Success ADHD Scholarship Contest
To nominate a child, write and submit an original essay, 250 words or less, describing how and why the child has been able to cope with the disorder and how he/she has improved and succeeded in academics, personal interactions and/or extra-curricular activities. Nominations will be accepted until December 1, 2003. The nominee must have a verifiable diagnosis of ADHD, which must be attested to on the entry from by the childs doctor. Entry forms and official rules are available at www.concerta.net. The CONCERTA I See Success ADHD Scholarship Contest is in full compliance with the Healthcare Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996.
About ADHD
ADHD is a common neurobehavioral disorder affecting millions of children, adolescents and adults that is characterized by a variable attention span and/or hyperactivity or impulsivity. According to statistics from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and the Mayo Clinic, approximately 7.5 percent of school-age children in the U.S. have ADHD.
About CONCERTA
CONCERTA (methylphenidate HCl) CII is a once-daily extended-release formulation of methylphenidate approved to treat ADHD. The efficacy of CONCERTA has been demonstrated in studies conducted in children and adolescents between 6 and 18 years of age. Only a doctor can determine if medication is the right treatment for individuals with ADHD.
CONCERTA uses an advanced OROS extended-release delivery system to deliver a controlled rate of medication throughout the day. Because of its unique OROS system, CONCERTA minimizes the ups and downs in blood levels experienced with stimulant medications taken several times a day.
CONCERTA should not be taken by patients with: significant anxiety, tension, or agitation; allergies to methylphenidate or other ingredients in CONCERTA; glaucoma, Tourettes syndrome, tics, or family history of Tourettes syndrome; current/recent use of monoamine oxidase (MAOIs). Abuse of methylphenidate may lead to dependence. CONCERTA should not be taken by children under 6 years of age.
In clinical studies with patients using CONCERTA, the most common side effects were headache, stomach pain, sleeplessness, and decreased appetite. For more information about CONCERTA, including full U.S. prescribing information, please visit www.concerta.net or call (888) 440-7903.
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Even in a Tough Economy, Educational Technology Still Seen at the Top of School Supply Lists ARA(ARA) - On the heels of recent reports indicating only slight increases in sales for back-to-school clothes and supplies, a new survey indicates that parents are placing high value on educational technology. More than 1,700 parents of middle and high school students from across the United States responded to questions about anticipated spending, key drivers for product purchases and how beneficial they perceive these tools to be for their childs education. Overall, respondents said that they are placing greater emphasis on preparing their child for the school days ahead by supplying them with the proper tools for success, including educational technology.
Parents are seeing an increase in their childrens use of technology as more and more teachers are incorporating educational handhelds into lessons and activities, says Tom Ferrio, vice president of Texas Instruments Educational & Productivity Solutions. In fact, more than 95 percent of those surveyed said they have seen the role of technology increase in their childrens studies; a number consistent with last years survey results. With our nations eye turned toward increased standards and accountability, parents and teachers alike are intensifying their commitment to prepare our students today, for the world of tomorrow.
Despite todays bad economy and high unemployment rate, 41.7 percent of parents still anticipate spending more than $100 on classroom supplies and back-to-school technology for the upcoming school year, while 17.9 percent anticipate spending more than $250 per child.
Results from this survey also concluded that parents are gaining a better understanding of the importance of educational devices and how they positively impact the classroom environment. The survey shows 94.1 percent of parents feel the use of technology in education has benefited their childs ability to learn and, as such, are more willing to invest in these products. In order to support these higher dollar purchases, however, parents indicated they must feel comfortable with the products use in a broad array of classes such as math, science, English and history. More than 70 percent of parents say they trust the teacher or school recommendation over any other influence on their educational technology purchasing decisions.
Parents must keep in mind that not all technology is suited for the classroom, said Ferrio. There is a multitude of tech gear available that serves little educational value but might be the latest and greatest gadget to hit the stores. Not surprisingly, various surveys have already indicated that these items will be low on parents priority lists, with consumers indicating they will spend even less on them than previous years.
Of those surveyed, 63 percent of parents children use a graphing handheld in school and 48.4 percent actually own a graphing handheld. These figures compared to only 29.3 percent owning a personal computer or laptop at home or school, and only 5.8 percent owning a PDA.
Consumer purchasing surveys are very interesting right now, considering the lingering poor condition of the economy, says Mike Travis, president of Equation Research. Results across the board are showing that people are scrutinizing dollars, and the true value of the product is taking a front seat to bells and whistles. The data we uncovered with this particular survey supports that parents are more inclined to purchase handheld graphing technology because of the educational value they perceive in it rather than products such as PDAs and mobile phones that dont provide this for their teens.
Commissioned for a second year by Texas Instruments, the leader in handheld educational technology, and conducted by Equation Research, the survey found that an overwhelming amount of parents (85.8 percent) view the role of technology in their childs education as very important to their understanding and comprehension of concepts and curriculum. These educational tools, such as the TI-83 Plus Silver Edition, are pervasive throughout American high schools and are often required on state-standardized tests. Teachers, who integrate educational handhelds into their lessons, many times recommend that parents purchase them for their teens so the benefits they feel in the classroom extend to homework and studying at home.
I know technology is important for my childrens education, but quite frankly, I dont know enough about whats best for their learning to make the decision on my own, says Scott Jones, parent of a seventh and eleventh grader in Dallas. I rely on my childs teachers to be the experts and guide me in this process. With their recommendation, I feel good about spending the money, knowing that its an investment that will serve many purposes; the highest of which is greater success in the classroom.
For additional information on educational handheld technology, visit education.ti.com on the Web.
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